This
next entry entails experiences from different days and could potentially get
pretty lengthy. With that being said, I’m going to skip a long-winded
introduction and jump right into my first medium experience. Each day has a “snapshot” (this is the
term I use because any time anything spiritual/intuitive happens I vividly
remember my surroundings).
Snapshot
#1: I woke up for work just like every other day; however, my anxiety was out
of control. I tried to ignore it
and continue on getting ready for work.
I stalled as much as I could to leave. Why was I having such intense anxiety today? I had an overwhelming
“bad” feeling. I texted Jeron and
told him about my anxiety and explained I had a “bad” feeling. He told me everything was fine and that
I should just try to relax and go to work. After stalling as long as I could, I left for work. At the time, I only lived about 8 minutes
from work. The closer I got to my
work the more intense the anxiety became.
When I was 1 block from work sitting at an intersection, I looked up to
the sky, it hit me “death”. Death…
someone died or is going to die. I
texted Jeron, again he tried to soothe me and tell me everything was going to be
okay. However, if you’ve read my previous blog entry you can understand why
such a feeling would make me a bit uneasy. I continued to work. I got in the
elevator and rose to the 6th floor. I exited the elevator and paced the hallway. This energy was coming from my office
and the closer I got to it the more overwhelming it became. I finally told myself “okay, I either
need to say screw it and go back home or just try to tough it out and go in… I
can’t pace the hallway all day.”
It took everything in me to walk down that corridor towards my office
and towards this unsettling feeling. I went straight to my office to set my
stuff down. I glanced down the
hall and noticed my coworker’s door was closed and her lights were off? I
thought, “Hum, that’s odd, she always gets here before me?” I walked out to the reception desk and
asked my colleague, “where’s D?” (I’m keeping names private.) She pulled me to
the side, out of site from the waiting area. She responded, “D’s son A died, they found his body in the
river this morning.” I stood there shocked, but then almost like someone hit a
light switch, my anxiety was gone.
This was the energy I was picking up on, this is why I was anxious, and
this is the death I had sensed. I
texted Jeron and told him of the news I had just learned. He was shocked and saddened as
well. He also responded, “now, I
believe you” I guess he got the “proof” he finally needed. He was finally apart of the process of
one of my experiences.
Snapshot
#2: Not long after A had passed away, I was up late one night. Let’s be honest, I’m up late every
night. I’m a night owl at heart! I
decided to head to bed. I went and
did my bathroom routine and headed down the hall towards my closed door. I turned off the hall light and went to
open the door. After it was open
and I started to enter, I was stopped dead in my tracts with the feeling that
someone was standing right in front of me. I jumped back against the wall and flipped on the light, I
saw nothing. I went into my room,
still feeling a presence. I turned on a small lamp and then went and turned off
the hall light. I got into bed and
started repeating things like “go away” and “I don’t want to communicate”. After about 10 – 15 minute the feeling
of a presence finally subsided. I
feel this may have been A trying to communicate with me. I wasn’t ready yet…
Snapshot
#3: Months went by and it was scheduled to be another normal day at work.
However, I woke up early by my phone ringing. It was a co-worker calling to tell me that D was having a
bad day dealing with her son, A’s death.
They called me because I was very close with D and we also worked on the
same medical test together. I quickly
got up and started to get ready.
Then, it started, the anxiety was sinking in… here we go again. I left for work and the closer I get
the more intense the anxiety became.
However, knowing that a friend was in need, I was trying to overlook the
uncomfortable feelings it was inflicting.
I arrived at work and headed straight to her office, she is in
tears. She explained that a
situation unfolded that involved her dog and this event was brining up old
feelings of guilt and remorse linked to A’s death. I stood their trying to comfort her, but the energy that was
now in me was so bad that I felt as if I was going to vomit or pass out. I had to get away from this feeling, it
was coming from being near her, and I had to leave. I quickly went to another co-workers office and asked if she
could cover for me. I told her I
was going to be sick. I left
work. I then immediately knew A
was there and that’s what I was picking up on. I arrived back home and sat feeling AWFUL about leaving so
abruptly. I was thinking things like, “How could I leave at such a time?” and
“I need to be there for D right now.” Then, out of nowhere I heard, “Its not
her fault.” “I’m okay now.” “I love you”.
After hearing those things I’m pretty confident I made some sort of
facial expression to this nature. (picture below)
My
next immediate thought, “Umm, so do you text or call someone with that kind of
information?” Ha! I called her; I
could hear she was still crying. I
told her why I had left and I told her how I came home and was simply sitting
thinking about how guilty I felt for leaving when I suddenly received a message
from A. I told her, “He wants me
to tell you, it’s not your fault, he’s okay and that he loves you.” She started
crying even harder. She asked some questions and I tried to comfort her as best
I could and then it happened again and I heard, “stop replaying it”. I asked her, do you replay what
happened in your head? She replied tearfully, “Yes! All the time.” I said,
“Well, I just heard, stop replaying it”.
We finished talking and we both suddenly felt better. She felt more at peace and my anxiety
had now fully subsided. How
beautiful is that? That experience alone makes me want to do this for people as
much as possible.
I should mention that a couple nights
prior to this happening, I decided I was ready to communicate. I was lying in bed talking to my spirit
guides, God, anyone who was listening really. I said, “A, if you want me to
tell your mom anything, I try my hardest to listen and deliver the message to
her.” I guess he was listening. He
did a great job and I thank him for the blessed experience.
Snapshot
#4: Not much time passed before I had another odd occurrence. I was at work talking with D and her
daughter. We were discussing A, we
talked about him on a regular basis and typically I was calm and unfazed with
conversing him or his passing.
This day was a little different.
The 3 of us stood in a back office talking about mediums and A. I asked D, “What questions would you ask
if you went to a medium? You can
try to ask me, I don’t know that I can or know how to get responses right away
but I’ll try.” Without hesitation she started “I want to know if he went down
there on purpose?” I verified,
“You mean, you want to know if he went to go commit suicide?” She replied,
“Yes.” I said, “okay, yeah…” Urgently she questioned, “He did!?” Not realizing how my generic response
came across I immediately clarified “Oh, NO, that wasn’t my answer, I meant
continue on with your questions, and I’ll ask him.” Relieved, she started to
ask her next question but before she could even finish, it was interrupted and
I heard, “No.” I told her what I
felt/heard. She began to move on to a question that had to do with autopsy
results and things she was questioning in the report and suddenly I was flooded
with energy. My face flushed, my
heart was racing, and I was extremely hot. I immediately started to fan myself and I said “Oh my gosh,
I am so hot all of a sudden.” D and her daughter stared at me with shocked
looks on their faces. Her daughter
then said, “Your face just turned really red out of nowhere.” I said, “I have to get out of here.” I
got up quickly and walked away from D and her daughter. I didn’t leave work completely I just
left the area in an attempt to get away from what created this feeling. After about 15 or 20 minutes passed,
the energy had subsided enough that I could go talk to D and her daughter. We discussed what had just happened, I
apologized for abruptly leaving. I
tried to explain the feeling that will suddenly consume me when, what I believe
is a spirit, tries to channel or communicate with me. The girls were very
understanding, especially knowing my history of experiences and now having
witnessed something unexplainable first hand.
On
a final note, I spoke with another more experienced medium and she stated “when
a child is trying to channel or communicate with a parent, the energy can
sometimes be very intense, almost as if there is a sense of force or urgency to
make contact, so anxious feelings are not uncommon.” She also had no doubt in
her mind that it was indeed A trying to come through. I liked it better when spirit gives me the words vs. the
feelings! Ha ha! I guess I just
need to continue to learn how to interpret that energy rather than run away
from it.
All I can say for sure is this is
my truth, my journey, and its time to journal it.
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